It's really hard to be too depressed when you're surrounded by children. I think that in no way shape or form is it acceptable to put your feelings on other people or have them affect other people in anyway. I have to be very diligent that I take my feelings are on the children because they don't understand that I'm in a deep depression right now. They can't understand what it's like to feel this one way or the sad. I wouldn't want them to you but another part of my sorrow is knowing that I brought people in the world that are going to have to feel this way someday.
Everyone kept saying that when I move to Washington I be depressed because its cloudy all the time. It's been nonstop sun since I got here in today it's finally cloudy and it makes me happy. I didn't know that the depression I feel when I actually come from the fact that we have to struggle to survive. I'm good at struggling, I know how to do it. But I don't know I would never ever ever see Adam and I didn't know that no one will ever hear me or see me. I don't know that I would feel trapped I like my life doesn't matter because I don't have time to fulfill the once and desires of myself. Is a hard time for everyone and it's hard to remember that too.
I only exist right now for my children. I'm a shell of a person with no interest no career and no hobbies. I feel like barely exist and sometimes I wonder why I do.
