Grateful

I woke up feeling very grateful today. I woke up thinking about how easy my life is. I woke up knowing that everything horrible that had happened to me as a child was only so that I could appreciate today. You have to be surrounded in darkness to learn to surround yourself with light. Since so much happened TO me I was able to control what I've made happen for me since. 

I've owned a house since I was 22. I had been around the world by 20. I'm 27 and am having the perfect set of children,  a boy and a girl, with the most perfect partner ever. We support each other and never fight. We encourage each other and never point fingers. He is the best daddy to our children that could ever be possible.

I'm lucky that when bad things happened to me my mind was inherently strong enough to overcome and not get permanently bogged down. I've never had a dangerous addiction or felt the sting of extreme poverty or homelessness because my parents never let me. My parents took care of me physically, mentally,  and emotionally just the way it needed to be.. I'm intelligent and self reliant. I'm a winner!

So I am grateful that this is an easy life where I decide what happens.  And I'm grateful to all of you that have been able to share my humble piece of the universe.

Thank you.

Bestie?

I don't think I can say enough how much I admire people that have been best friends for years. Some reason I feel like I've been left out of that even though I have such a yurning. Its not that I don't have best friends or loyalty in my life. I just wish, actually maybe I don't know what I wish. I guess I want an equal I can see me and talk to me and empathize with me and understand me. And its not that I don't have that either. I guess it's really hard to pinpoint what I even want so why do I want it? I guess it sits with the fact that I don't feel like it anytime I have someone to go to. So many people are utilized for different things because so many people understand from parts of me. Alas, I think its a human sociology that everyone sees what they reflect in themselves.

Baby/money

I'm having a really hard time with money.

I'm pregnant and I'm about to bring a human life into this world. I want to do it according to my values and knowledge. I know too much and care too much to have my baby at the hospital. I want a water birth. I want a safe relaxing welcome to my baby. I don't want people telling me what to do and when to have my baby. I don't want to be treated like a consumer cow that people usher around like a blind tourist.

Why won't ahcccs cover a $2000 midwife but will cover a $100, 000 hospital visit?

I'm so lost. The cheapest I can't find is $325 a month and I just don't have it!!!

A quote from maiju

Go where you are celebrated – not tolerated. If they can’t see the real value of you, it’s time for a new start.

WOW

Found this link and its crazy! What are you "gestating"


http://jenniferlshelton.com/2012/07/06/whats-in-your-astrological-womb-a-peek-at-the-fourth-house/


Mine is adventure, Higher learning, and intuition! SO TRUE!!

To be seen

Someday I hope to have someone in my life that's legitimately interested in things about me. They'll ask me questions. They'll want to read my astrology information. Someday someone is going to be interested in me.

Confessions of a gemini

One of the things I've learned in life so far is that when you have too much knowledge in something it's almost impossible to not practice it.

When you really understand how people communicate how they emphasize and how they give and receive information its hard to realize when you're actually manipulating the situation. For instance it depends on who I'm talking to but I will say the same sentence differently in order for them to receive the part of the information that they will be able to grasp the easiest. If someone asked me if me and Boo were close but it was someone that I wanted to know that I knew her very well I would say "yes of course she's my roommate we're together all the time!" if I wanted the person to know that we weren't getting along or if they didn't like her I might say something like "she lives with me but we don't really talk or hang out very much"

Its not lying its not even stretching the truth. Its just communicating with different people in ways to get them to understand what you want them to know.

This is very important to understand when you're communicating with people. If you are being attacked by someone verbally you will be become defensive. If you're talking to someone that you feel comfortable with your going to be more open about how you truly feel inside. For example if someone said I was lazy I would probably retort with something like "all I do everyday is clean take care of baby and work my butt off" but if a different person said maybe you should get something done today I might say "I'm taking this day to relax I feel like I work too hard normally and I need a break." It's pretty much the same sentence only comes off really negative in one way because you're pushed into a corner.

Remember this when we are the one talking to people because their perception is everything when it comes to what you're saying. Yours means nothing. People don't want to see it from your perspective automatically so you have to ask them without asking them to hear you.

I dunno

I just need to get some stuff out. It feels sad , not depress not stressed out. Just sad. kyle has a tumor on his pituitary gland. He's sad and there's not much I can do except for pump him up and get him to eat healthier.

My cousins and super depressed and all leads back to his mom dying what I can do about that either for listen.

Boo just went out to go shopping at Target. She said she's bored. I wish you and hang out with me. shes supposed to be my best friend. She never wants to make videos anymore or talk to me. last night I was crying right in front of her and she was on the phone and she just left the room to go to talk on the phone. She never asked me what's wrong. I wish she had any interest in being my friend.

My mom talk to Lizzy. She's trying to get pregnant what is interesting is so am I. She blocked me on Facebook after the last time I told her that I hope she's happy and I love her still. But she told my mom that she scared to talk to me cause she thought I was still matter which makes no sense because I'm always messaging her telling her I wish we were friends.

Feels like I don't have any friends. I find myself always contacting other people to catch up no one ever contacts me or really cares what I'm up to. I guess I'm having a day where I feel like I'm not good enough even for myself.

I posted on Facebook last night that I was crying in the only person that said anything including my mom was Allen so I wouldn't talk to him. It made me feel a lot better though. I feel stagnant I feel like I'm just cleaning every day I feel like I'm not going anywhere right now still stuck. I don't really know what to do about it and no one else seems to really care to help me...

Everyones my friend

One of my superpowers is being able to get along with anyone. Its like my personality that it changes but not buy enough that I change. Only enough so that the type of person you would rather be talking to is there, and the jokes that you would appreciate all the ones I tell.

This doesn't always mean that I WILL get along with you, though. Sometimes they're obviously people that I don't want to get along with. It happens to be very rare but on occasion it's important for me to stand my own ground and let people know when they are being douchebags. Not like it's my job but its my boundary.

One really special things I like to hold dear about myself is that when I'm fighting with people and its not me directly telling them something is wrong with them, it's usually because I'm just reflecting who they are. This really makes people angry. For example if you talk to me in a rude tone I will talk to you in exactly that tone. If you talk to me a nice tone I will speak to you in exactly that tone. This is why I try to surround myself with happy people that just love. I'm a happy person and I don't like to be angry or be mean or talk to people in negative tone. I just don't like negativity..

I guess that's all I really have to say I just need to get that out.

This he says

"Don't tell boo but i like when we are forced to hang out together"

Lonely

I feel like i never get invited anywhere. Even by my own roommates

To boo

Dear boo, 

We never talk anymore, I don't even ever know what's going on in your life. How can two people live together and know so little about each other? I just want to do fun stuff with you and talk. I want a best friends to depend on who depends on me. .

You always seem frustrated with everyone like they don't get what's going on in your head.

I miss you.

Meh

I'm lonely all day. My leg is killing me.

I don't like that when people are home i have to be smoking to be able to talk to someone

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

http://paranoidstayathomemom.blogspot.com/2012/08/a-letter-to-my-daughter-about-beauty.html

Breakthrough

I'm currently enrolled in all of my very last class is at school. Its nice to know someone else over but it's also nerve wrecking. But yesterday in advance if so close I had a huge breakthrough but today I am in process and it hurts like hell. I don't really know what else to say I just wanted to document that today is really hard and yesterday was Mother's Day which is always really hard.

3x the metaphor

The 50s ended up like a preachers daughter - of you hold too tightly to a balloon it will explode.

Woah, that's 3 metaphors in one!! Thats too many

Q&A

Hey dont forget to comment or email in (melodyinyourhead@hotmail.com) if you have any questions or any topics of interest, issues in your life, or really ANYTHING you want me to experiment with, research, and talk about! Im here to help!

Life has been sowonderful lately, and just SO EASY.

but the means in which I go there was not easy - see the reason it is so simple these days is because Ive done a TON of work on myself to change my whole way of thinking. Let me tell you, its SO WORTH IT. I love SWIHA, it has literally made me an expertin healing my life, and after 2 years of intense training I am willing tocall myself an expert inmost areas I studied!

My favorite areas of knowledge include: Hypnotherapy, Life coaching, Chakras, Ayurveda, Nutrition, basic/general happiness, psychology, sociology, letting go, and healing pretty much any area of your life by changing the way to approach it.

WOO

My past life regression.

This meditation was homework for my past life regression class, and here is what came out of it for me...

This one was very interesting for me (my previous experiences left me frustrated and feeling like I couldnt "do it")  because I actually got information.

First of all I was an 89 year old woman, pleasantly dying of pneumonia. I felt relaxed, ready, and happy. I felt satisfied with the life Ive lived.

When I went over to the spirit world I was greeted by someone that I couldnt figure out who they were for this character, but knew that the energy was the same as my current father. I spoke with him and thanked him for greeting me, like I have known him for forever. He told me that death and rebirth are just another step on a path. As I got aquimated to this world (which seemed a lot like outer space to me) I asked him why I felt so satisfied with my life, since I didnt see that part of it, and he told me that I only needed to see the death to see that I was ready and happy.

In this life I have what I lovingly call "the opposite of procrastination" - meaning I have to be untilizing time constantly. I cant waste time, I have to always make progress. He told me that this life I just saw should help me, because it is possible for me to feel relaxed. He also said that I RARELY die young because I always feel like my time has to be completely utilized, like I have some big mission that only gets a little further each life time. He said that even when its over I will feel like I have accomplished enough at a time, and that this lifetime is filled with that "time wasting" feeling because this and the next life I live will be my apex - where something big will really be done for humanity. I have no idea what that means and it seems a bit daunting.

I also remember at the end he told me that my daughter in that life will be my mother in the next, and he my father.. which is this life. This is what we agreed to already before the last life. Actually, I have no idea who HE was in that life time, but I trusted him enough to continue to ask him to be my mentor apparently.

This one was kinda crazy for me. Im going to have to ponder this and figure out if I should be getting more (or less) done with my time on earth this time around, haha.

Love Love Love

Well, maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away
Yeah, maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it
Yeah, maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person
Well, baby, I know.

And these fingertips
Will never run through your skin
And those

bright blue eyes
Can only meet mine across the room filled with people that are less important than you.

All 'cause you love, love, love
When you know I can't love
You love, love, love
When you know I can't love
You love, love, love
When you know I can't love you

So I think it's best we both forget before we dwell on it
The way you held me so tight
All through the night
'Til it was near morning

'Cause you love, love, love
When you know I can't love
You love, love, love
When you know I can't love
You love, love, love
When you know I can't love you

All 'cause you love, love, love
When you know I can't love
You love, love, love
When you know I can't love
You love, love, love
When you know I can't love you

People

People tip #1

People will always respect you more if they do favors for you. If you get someone to do a favor for you they subconsciously convince themself you're worth it, so they will want to do more favors for you.

People tip #2
People subconsciously treat others how they think they should be treated.
If someone repeatedly thinks others are liars or thieves its because they lie or steal, and they expect others to think the same way.
If someone is overly considerate of others they are needy in a way that they expect others to be considerate of them.
If someone is a repetitive assholes its because they think they deserve to be treated that way back because their subconscious thinks they deserve it for some reason.

People tip #3
The easiest ways to tell someone is lying is if they shrug their shoulders, point their feet toward the closest exit, and shake their head no while they say yes.

And these are all true.

Nothing really

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBQMg45jjuA&feature=youtu.be

My super powers

I have many many super powers... Heres a few

1. I can magically take red, blue and green paint and make any shade of any color under the sun that you want perfectly. Master pain mixer!
2. Getting shit done - Im a master at taking care of business and leading others to do the same. That might be why life coaching and hypno are so perfect for me
3. Making friends. Im fucking likeable!
4.  Logical deduction - I can bring anything down to "what it boils down to" in expedient time
5. Making random peoples (like cashiers, Customer service reps, and bank tellers) day better just by saying their name and looking them in the eye and being sincere.
6.  Im sure theres a ton more, but thats what I got for now...

Video party!

MEh

A random song

When I was a kid I loved Savage Garden... He wouldnt admit it at the time, but it was clear he was a gay man, but Darren Hayes was so freaking beautiful!

haha, anyways, I was looking up meditations on youtube and I ran across a (very fruity) song that I used to really love! Little did I know that it probably helped me at some point. Here's the lyrics...

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe that your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom isn't fair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

Cant focus!!

I am having the hardest time concentrating right now.
I need to do psychology homework.
I need to have a Rainbow Warriors meeting
I need to clean my house
I need to make a intro video for the Rainbow Warriors.
I need to find video software in order to do that.
I just can't concentrate.
things need to get done, but I can't seem to focus
this is not really helping.

Vacation and death

Today is stress

VLOG 2!

A thought that came to me in a meditation...

What is one act of kindness you have completed in your life? Consider that on that day your destiny was fulfilled and the rest of time since is just bonus time to have fun!

First VLOG

Ok, so Im starting to video blog! Its pretty awesome so far, and this blog will help me keep track of my growth and progress! Here is my first video blog entry Woo!

Another thought from a meditation...

Your purpose in life may be as simple as just appreciating everything the world has to offer.