I did some meditating and soul seeking. I narrowed it down and located the feeling of abandonment that happens to me regularly. This feeling that envelopes me and makes me feel alone in a crowd of people and friends. I was reading a book on astrology abd delved really deep into Gemini. Confirm some things about me.
Sometimes I think I'm lazy another time so I just think I'm exhausted. Exhausted usually feels more correct. I feel like I'm always fighting for life. So this realization came to me that I am. I am allies the people around me and how they treat me and although I'm surrounded in love and encouragement I'm not really encouraged to do anything. I get "good job" and "you can do anything" and "you're really good at stuff" but when I have an idea no one told me to go for it. No one ever tells me I'm good at anything specific. I think throughout my entire life no one's ever told me things that are good about me and the rare times anyone has it was a complete surprise to me and I didn't feel like I deserved it. Is this why I have to fight to prove that I'm good? Am I good at anything?
The good thing is I'm really good at encouraging myself. In the end I guess I really have is your own love for yourself.
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